I am thinking about my mom today. We haven't taken down her Facebook page...my brother wanted to, but I asked him not to... not yet at least. I like having it up. So yesterday when I got onto FB there was her face at the top of my page and FB was telling me to send her a gift. Such an odd feeling....but it was nice to see her smiling face there. I had a dream recently that she had been living in a rest home and I had forgotten about her there. I kept asking her what she was doing there. Why wasn't she home with us? I was so happy to see her. It was like I had found her after thinking she had been dead, but really someone had put her in this rest home. I was so relieved that she was alive and I was bringing her back home to her little house to live out her days. I wonder what all that means? If anything.
I am reading the most extraordinary book right now. Well, actually I am listening to it, but that is neither here nor there...I sit in the car to listen longer, I laid in bed last night in my most comfy ratty pajamas, with my phone next to me and my ear-buds in...very attractive. Its the the equivalent of "not being able to put it down."
It is called The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks. It is Elyn Saks story of the onset, eventual diagnosis, and then living with schizophrenia. She went on to be very successful in school and business, becoming a professor and a lawyer who is an advocate for the mentally ill. What a journey, what strength of character to push her way through the voices and the messages that her mind was telling her. It is an amazing story of courage and bravery and fortitude.
The whole book is fascinating but her explanations of the isolation that she feels and her efforts to break into the world really resonate with me for not only my girl, but many of our kids here who you have told me struggle with the same issues. It has given me a glimpse of what it must feel like to be so alone, for whatever reasons, even when surrounded by people who care deeply about you....and more than that, to feel that you don't *deserve* for it to be any other way. Grave, dark stuff...but not depressing. You can also hear her speak here at this TED talk.
I came home to a dozen roses last night, today little one and I are watching Molly do her events in her finals portion of her meet to qualify to go to the state meet in her individual events. Then we are going rollerskating. Tomorrow we are meeting big brother and his beauty in the mountains for a hike up to the top of Jack's Peak. A relatively easy 3 mile round trip hike. I am thinking we are going to hit snow in the mountains though....so we will see how far we make it. Its supposed to be 77 degrees tomorrow up in our hill country.
All the makings for a good weekend are here. I hope all of my mama friends have a beautiful and blessed day tomorrow. Love yourselves a little extra tomorrow.
Bless us all.....