I went to my meditation meeting last night and it was so nice. We sit quietly with the lights dimmed and meditate for 20 minutes!!!! In the beginning I was aghast....20 minutes of just sitting?! What if I fall asleep?! I have learned though to quiet my mind. Sometimes I pray but a lot of the times I feel like my HP (God) is telling me to just sit there. Just be, rest. Savor the peace of that safe room for those 20 minutes and be filled up. I have grown to love that meeting.
After the meditation there is a time of sharing and most of the women there are mom's so they shared about their Mother's day events....or lack of events. The drunk phone call, the no phone call, the people pleasing to keep the peace that one knowingly went into to try to have a good day....I had a beautiful day, but not without effort on my part.
The day started off with some bumps in the road. I realized I had a choice....I could be miffed and pissy or I could accept that we all are who we are. My girl is sick and trying to find her way to being healthy. To demand for her to not act sick, would be in my mind the equivalent of asking someone bald from chemo to wear a wig, "because your baldness makes me uncomfortable." Cover up your imperfections and your sickness....I don't want to see that. So I took her as she was. As she came to me that day. Really, how many years have I spent without her on special days? She was here. She was making the effort. I could reach out and accept those efforts. I could choose to accept her as she is. So I did.
I may not always be in this place. I may not always have the grace to do this. God knows, we have run the gamut from kicking her out, no contact, to doing everything in our power and trying desperately to help her. It is a day by day journey. I think we have found our middle ground for today. God is good and He is in charge of the future. Not me.
Much love to all....
|The beautiful Fallen Leaf Lake that my kids took me to for Mother's day.|