Sometimes I still wonder if this is just the mother of all manipulations? But 12 years is a long time to carry on a manipulation? So it must be real, right?
I waffle between compassion and feeling like I can't do this anymore.
I am left with taking each moment at face value. I only have the information I am given. I only have what I actually see before my eyes. It is not my job to dig in and uncover and do some manipulating of my own to find "the truth." Maybe what I see in front of me is the truth.
I chaired a meeting last week and my topic was acceptance. Accepting my life, my situation, as what it is today, this moment, brings me some serenity. I don't need to figure it all out. I can't figure it all out. But God can. I think I will let Him for today. Maybe.
I'm going for a walk.....