I think I'm depressed. A low-grade ongoing depression. Nothing is really great, nothing is horrible. I don't really care about too much and all I want to do is stay at home. Everything feels like so much effort.
Little one's birthday is coming up and if I could without feeling incredible guilt, I wouldn't do much. A family dinner with cake. But we have done that the past 2 years and she is wanting a party this year. She has mentioned dinner out for sushi with 4 girlfriends and then a sleepover...My GOD! Or a get-away over night to the ocean with the same 4 girls.
I need to figure this out. Maybe I need to go to my dr. I am going through the motions of my life. Everything feels like a chore. Exercise, seeing people...the one thing that makes me feel a spark is the snow melting in the mountains and getting to trek all over up there. That brings me joy. I drove little one up a few weeks ago to meet up with big brother to snowboard and I felt real true joy just being up under the bright blue skies and tall trees. My son used to tell me...Being up there is like drugs to me. It makes all my stress melt away. Now I get that.
Ugh....here I go. Into the day. We have another damned science fair project due tomorrow. Y'all know how I feel about those science fairs. This year is on "which food will grow mold the fastest." The experiment is done... now we just need to create the display board with all of her data. Thank God its an easy topic. I can handle mold!