Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Depression....

I think I'm depressed. A low-grade ongoing depression. Nothing is really great, nothing is horrible. I don't really care about too much and all I want to do is stay at home. Everything feels like so much effort.

Little one's birthday is coming up and if I could without feeling incredible guilt, I wouldn't do much. A family dinner with cake. But we have done that the past 2 years and she is wanting a party this year. She has mentioned dinner out for sushi with 4 girlfriends and then a sleepover...My GOD! Or a get-away over night to the ocean with the same 4 girls.

I need to figure this out. Maybe I need to go to my dr. I am going through the motions of my life. Everything feels like a chore. Exercise, seeing people...the one thing that makes me feel a spark is the snow melting in the mountains and getting to trek all over up there. That brings me joy. I drove little one up a few weeks ago to meet up with big brother to snowboard and I felt real true joy just being up under the bright blue skies and tall trees. My son used to tell me...Being up there is like drugs to me. It makes all my stress melt away. Now I get that.

Ugh....here I go. Into the day. We have another damned science fair project due tomorrow. Y'all know how I feel about those science fairs. This year is on "which food will grow mold the fastest." The experiment is done... now we just need to create the display board with all of her data. Thank God its an easy topic. I can handle mold!

Annette

10 comments:

SoberMomRocks said...

I hat that you're feeling this way. I wish I could wave a magic wand and remove the darkness and replace it with light.

Life is too short and you are too wonderful and loving to just "go through the motions". So glad you can still find joy in the mountains. I find mine at the beach.

I'll be praying for you.

Sherry

Summer said...

I totally get what your saying. I don't know if mine is the chaos of my son's addiction, winter blues, hormones or all three. I'm completely longing for some fresh air and warmer weather. I'm still working out but I need to be walking outside...where I can breath...REALLY breath, you know?

Daylight savings is almost upon us, maybe that will restore some much needed oomph to us all. Hope your feeling better very soon!

Dawn McCoy said...

I could have helped with the science fair.....just open my frig.....lmbo. maybe its just SAD - seasonally acquired depression. A very real thing that they have linked to the lack of such light curing winter months? Just a thought... ((((hugs))))

Chelsie Charmed said...

Im so sorry you feel that way. I wish I knew why I have mood swings. Not knowing and never being able to plan ahead because I dont know how Ill feel at that time, is really sad. Up and down and all around. and here we go again....

Signe said...

I'm glad you're not giving into that negative feeling. Guilt is doing it's job correctly, I think, this time by nudging you to plan a party. Putting yourself out there for someone else. Having said that, it's okay to feel bad, just don't stay there long. Visit it like a boring section of a museum. Glance at the pieces, and then move on to the more interesting rooms. Hang in there!

bugerlugs63 said...

I keep writing something and then deleting it . . . and i have to leave for school soon. So just hugs and love to you Annette and some more of both x x x

Susan Rickels said...

Annette- The blues have a way of creeping up on us. I feel quite similar to the way you do at the moment. I have found the one thing that helps is to just set small goals, nothing to overwhelming. BTW,I lost my blog in cyberspace and got tired of fighting so I simply started a new one. http://walkingthetightropebarefoot.blogspot.com/ (That's the url, but it is still called Clarity in Muddy Waters)Blogging is therapy for me. I hope you get through this hump. Some days just require baby steps rather than the big girl steps. xoxo

Sheri said...

Annette

I hope you are feeling better!

dawn said...

I'm feelin ya sister.
I wrote about this last month. I was disabled and it was so hazy and dark... so, ya, got your back.

For me, I DID stay home. I stayed home because I had recently had surgery - and I did use it as an excuse ultimately, I see that now. I'm so happy to read that you know your happy place!! What works for you. Sherry is right - you're too dear to remain stuck in sadness.

S.A.D. ,, maybe a head cold, the flu, hormones,,, I believe it all plays a role - be kind to yourself, KEEP WRITING ABOUT THIS, as I believe it is therapuetic, and grab your journal and take a re-inventory of your rich blessings.

Syd said...

LOL on the mold! I have felt tired this year too. A lot has been going on. I would like for things to settle down, but I have no say in that. I simply do my best to take care of myself. I hope that your feeling of being tired and sad will go away soon.