Total Loser

Ok, I'm not, I know. But you know those experiences that just leave you wondering if you are really as functional as the rest of the world? I had one of those.

Remember the non-profit org I was slowly getting involved with a few months ago...to empower women and help build confidence in women who have gone through some sort of trauma or crisis? Well the founder invited me to be on the board so I went to my first board meeting yesterday. I was sitting there in a room of 10 women....all strangers except one. All were very nice, but also strong and powerful. All had served on various "committees" and volunteer positions in their churches and communities. One in particular was filled with good ideas, was very forthright in what she would need in order to carry out her volunteer position as fundraiser and she just had so many intelligent things to say! These women talked about "demographics" and various community organizations and clubs that they could contact for contributions. I would rather step in front of a truck than do that job!

I was quiet through out the meeting and told my friend that I would think about what job I could commit to and would get back to her later. I left thinking things over....feeling like I could quite possibly BE one of the women needing the confidence building workshops that were being discussed!

I had to remind myself of what I have to offer. Positive self-talk speech to follow:
 I might possibly have a repoire and a certain skill set with people these women wouldn't know how to relate to....aka the dying, the elderly, and young drug addicts. It is ok to be a behind the scenes person. Everyone can't be a leader. I am more a listener and will convey, "lets figure out together, how we can meet your needs." I am more of a "come alongside" and let me walk with you type. I am not a bull-doze-over kind of person...unless its my own kids, and even there I am getting better. I have no interest and apparently no skill, in the business side of things....I love dealing with the clients. I am honest and straight forward.

 Someone in the meeting made reference to teaching these "on their path to health and wellness" women that they too can be "women of excellence." That grated on every "Christian cliche" nerve I have. Most of these women are trying to survive, trying to stay clean and keep their kids, they could be leaving abusive and oppressive living situations.  They just want to pay their bills, and learn how to be a good mom and their own person. I think imparting to them their worth and their courage in overcoming the obstacles that they have faced is obviously vital, but lets be real and not use cliche phrases.

Let me be clear here...there was nothing wrong with anyone there. This was my deal. My insecurities coming out in all of their glorious color. I waffled between my positive self-talk speech and feeling like my world is so small I can barely function outside of my comfort zone. What am I to do?!

Jump in I suppose and offer what I can.

Annette