Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Gift of Time....

I've wanted to write so many times, but I don't really have much to say. I feel like we are just getting through each day. There are some really great moments and then there is the background hum, the knowledge of the turmoil of my girl that seems to surround everything.

I found a wonderful addiction specialist who has been seeing her every week. She has made it to every appointment, on time for the most part, and he recently listed off all of her positive traits that he see's shining through despite her advanced addiction. He see's "her." He told me, "she is a good investment." I adore him for that.

I watch as he gives her time. He slowly has worked with her to build trust, to show her acceptance, patience, kindness. They are building a foundation together.

 Ive been thinking a lot about how there are no quick fixes in this world of addiction and dual diagnosis. Once an individual is fully immersed the damage just seems to build exponentially. As parents we are so incredibly impatient to see progress, to watch evidence of the healing unfold....to finally let our breath out that we have been holding without realizing. To not feel afraid of what the future could possibly hold for us in this foreign world of so very many unknowns.

I met with a young woman a couple of days ago, the same age as my girl. We became friends because I bought a couple of spoon rings....remember those from the 70's?! from her Etsy store. She is local to my area, she asked to be my FB friend, and from there, I could see in her pictures that she probably knew some dark times. I asked her if we could meet for coffee. We did and she told me her story. What an amazing story it was....5 years off all drugs, married, pregnant with baby number 2, building a business and has a remarkable and very authentic relationship with God. We both sat in that Starbucks and cried as we talked....I had to make several trips for more napkins to mop up our faces, but it was a visit that filled me up. Here was a girl who came back from the edge and is thriving. In real life, sitting across from me and drinking coffee and sharing a visit. When I told her that I work at staying connected with my girl, she said, "Good. Because when you let her go with no contact, you only reinforce all of the messages she has running through her head of not being deserving, not good enough, too bad, too awful, worthless....keep doing exactly what you are doing. Keep loving her.

I'm thinking a lot about the gift of time that we are able to give to one another. I think of the story I shared from the book God's Hotel about Terry Becker and how she was given the gift of time to heal the from inside out. I think of a boy I know and love, who suffered a debilitating mental break but came home from the hospital and was allowed the time to just be. It was concerning to watch his lack of motivation, his lack of direction, his apparent lethargy...we watched and were uncomfortable and wondered when or if it would change....but in time we began to see action. He is currently a happy, handsome, joyful and funny young man who is working at a job and enrolled in school and challenging classes and is getting full credit for them. He is speeding along meeting *his* goals. But first he had to just be, he had to spend some time healing. I think of Lou's words in her last post.....it took her 3 years of navigating new and foreign and painful territory to find her bearings after the loss of her precious boy. To be able to be in the middle of us all again. It took time. She needed time for her wounds to heal a little, to not be so raw to the elements of interactions with the world at large. And bless her heart, she gave herself what she needed.

Time is a gift we each have the power to give to ourselves and to those around us who are struggling. I think of the relief I feel when I am rushing and someone says, "Its ok. Take all the time you need." I can feel my muscles loosen, my neck relaxes, and I can take a deep breath and slow down. I feel like I can't run as fast as I used to. I used to be able to work for days on end, and have every moment filled or double booked with obligations and responsibilities....but today, I need time. I need solitude and time to think and pray and meditate. I need quiet. I need to live at a reasonable pace. 

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Today though, I will take a deep breath, I will sit quietly, I will breath, I will trust, be thankful, I will believe, and keep hoping....God is in charge of the outcome and I am never alone in this journey.

Bless us all.....
Annette

9 comments:

Dad and Mom said...

Annette, it is so important to understand what you wrote about.

When Alex first entered recovery I was impatient. Patience is not one of my strong suits as probably most of you know. I had to learn patience. I had to learn not to expect perfection. People make mistakes, including people in recovery. I had to learn to accept and then to let go of mistakes. I had to learn to hold my tongue, advice is best accepted when it is ask for.

We don't have the luxury of being the same person as we were when they were using. We don't get to be the same person we were before they were using. Our sons and daughters are changing their life, if we truly love them as much as we profess we must change to support them.

Very good post.

Dad and Mom said...

Hope you don't mind, I linked your post today to one your post inspired me to write.

Lolly said...

Oh Amen and Yes, Yes, Yes! I was crying by the end of this. I too have taken time and have felt guilty that I needed to. Why do we treat ourselves so awfully?? Beautiful post Annette. Wish we had another chance to do coffee or whatever. When I think back on it, our get together was way too short. If I close my eyes I can still imagine you sitting across that table from me...just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. You are a light in this world. Thank you for that friend. Praying for your girl.

SoberMomWrites said...

This.

I love you.

Sherry

notmyboy said...

You really do have the most beautiful spirit. I talk about you all the time with my face to face friends and family. I call you "my friend, Annette". :) I'm praying for you and your sweet girl. I know exactly what you mean by things spinning out of control faster and faster the deeper they fall into their disease. Time is a terrific thing. The older I get, the more I want time to slow down. ~Lori

Anonymous said...

And I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, and the consuming locust, and the cutting locust, my great army which I sent among you.
Joel 2:25


The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the former part.......
Job 42:12

ML B said...

We become emotionally worn out from the sadness, worry, and fear. We can't see the good in our life anymore. Our spirits are weary. Reflection, meditation, prayer, walking in nature--all ways to slow down and be present. I'm happy you are doing this for yourself, your family

I know you turned the earth to find that specialist. Take rest.

Man In Reocvery said...

Annette-

I think you're mentioning something here so crucial to recovery, and to life! I find it incredibly difficult to take a 'mini-vacation'--to detach from the business of the day to day. Two kids and work and all else keeps me so busy, I struggle to find time to do things I did earlier in recovery so frequently: pray, meditate, go to meetings...

I'm knew to the internet-sharing aspect of recovery. I'm hoping it will help me stay plugged in on my time...

Thanks for the post..

Mark

Annette said...

Anonymous....you always make me cry. Bless you.