Yesterday I was with a client and as I worked I observed his surroundings, his home. Everything was in its place. No clutter. His book was neatly sitting on the end table near the chair he likes to read in with the good strong light. In his bedroom he has a CD of Mozart sitting on the nightstand next to the single CD player that he turns on with the push of a button. He puts it on every night as he lays to go to sleep. His clothes are neat and functional, warm, comfortable, just what he needs. He is content with a simple life. He sat calmly writing out checks to pay his bills, welcomed me when I came in, helped me to accomplish some simple chores....but hes a gentleman and he never treats me like the hired help. We are a team getting done what needs doing.
I know that some would call it boring....but I soak in the simple and calm. Order. Routine. Contentment.
I am working at filling more of my time with those qualities vs the spinning, rushing, busy chaos that I often allow to take over my days. The more time I have off, the more I love the calm. Being mindful of each action. I went for a walk on Sunday and it was just a walk. It wasn't a power walk, I didn't try to beat any times or get so fast per mile, I didn't listen to any books on my phone.....I just walked and thought and looked at what was all around me. I saw squirrels, big blue mountain jays, golden trees that are changing color, I listened as I passed the grange hall to what seemed to be a church service inside. I watched a family walk in carrying a guitar to contribute to the time of worship I would assume, I noticed a yard that I have walked past for many years now and the new fencing and the dog run and the landscaping and was so happy for them! It was beautiful.
Right now, living in the moment feels like the sweetest way to take care of myself. The dad and I had a recent conversation about this.....he has ADD (like for real) and his mind is always miles ahead of where we are at in the current moment. It overwhelms me and frustrates me and usually I snap and act like he's an idiot.... because I can be nasty like that. And really nothing could be further from the truth. In this particular conversation, I had a realization. I need to live in the moment. I need to focus on finishing what I am doing, and then I can move on. I was able to explain that to him.
"My brain doesn't work like yours and it overwhelms me when you move on to the future steps before I have finished the step I am on. Then I get snippy and nasty, and then you take my ugly attitude personally, and it creates tension between us, but all it really is, is that our brains work differently from each others. I need to finish up what I am working on before I can move on."
What a difference. I felt a thousand pounds lift off of my shoulders. How long have we been pushing each other around (figuratively) trying to get our way, not understanding what the real need was.
I just need to go slower these days. I need to take in my surroundings and muddle through each step along the way, see, taste, experience, feel. Every moment doesn't need to be filled with multi-tasking and trying to accomplish the absolute most out of each moment.
Maybe this is what it is like when we get older. lol Maybe the past years have taken their toll and this is just how I have to do it for now. Regardless of why... I know so deeply in my insides that its exactly what I need, that I can't force myself to go backward and cram more in than I can reasonably manage.
It feels so good, to live a slower, more orderly life. Its like a nap in the middle of the afternoon when you are really really just so tired.
Always praying for us all.....