I can honestly say I have never experienced this before but I went to a meeting the other night and the whole meeting was a downer. The topic was "what do you struggle with within Alanon?" The whole share was overall pretty negative. However once the meeting was opened up, those faithful members turned it all around. They shared what they had initially struggled with and how working a program taught them a new way. How they learned to live in their faith that their HP has their loved one in His view and He has it all under control.
D does not go to Alanon and he happened to be there for this meeting. Yayyyy! I had to let go of my desire that this be a spectacular meeting and that he would come away just enamored with Alanon and asking for more. Of course that didn't happen, although he did hear some things from some of the other parents that ministered to his heavy heart. We were able to have a good conversation on the way home about why he doesn't feel Alanon is helpful to him. His ideas were certainly valid and I could see how they could be stumbling blocks to embracing the program. Higher Power issues (he believes there is only one HP, God) and not believing the disease concept of addiction. "At one point there was a choice." It was just another example of how different we are. I don't care about the issues he brought up....I was desperate enough that I could let all of that go and take what worked for me there. He has an engineer's mind, analytical, practical, problem solver and I totally come from a place of the heart, emotions, how does it feel? lol This is the story of our lives together! So...AGAIN...we agree to disagree and go on. "You don't have to justify why it works for you, and I don't have to justify why it doesn't....we are just different and that is ok."
Bless us all and have mercy!
Annette
7 comments:
I think its a sign that your marriage is strong and healthy when you can agree to disagree.
Thinking of/praying for you and H and the rest of the fam, as always.
Annette, I have been thinking for weeks, now, about this topic. I'm trying to figure out how to put it into words. I'm glad you were inspired to write about this experience. Also, my ex was an engineer (as is my dad) I totally understand your description of that mindset! You're blessed, though, to have someone who will bend, that is very endearing.
I remember my first Al-Anon meeting. I hated it. I hated that they laughed. I hated that they didn't let me bash the alcoholic. I hated that the focus wasn't on me. Eventually, in my Higher Power's timing, I went back. I too, like D thought there was only one HP (God), but now my HP (God) is so much bigger than he used to be. Now I love the concept that I have a God of my understanding, it doesn't matter what I choose to call Him.
My husband goes about once a month but he is not embracing Alanon totally. He has been to a few meetings where people went off on tangents. He relies more on his faith, that works for him.
Being on the flip side of the coin I can completely understand this and think its great you both can realize that each of you have your own way of coping and managing.
I feel like I get alot of grief from fellow AA'ers, which is partially why I hardly ever go. For me, it works. "it" being not needing to attend meetings and work steps. Often I feel guilty like I am not a good "sober" woman or something! But, in the end we each grieve, learn and process things differently.
And, it's okay.
Hubby has tried Alanon a few times, it too did not feel right for him. I support him going if he chooses to do so, and once in a while he does. :)
Sounds to me like your man got exactly what he needed from the meeting topic. Imagine him getting to hear what others struggle with in accepting Alanon, when that is exactly where he is.
Even a negative meeting presents its gems.
I've learned to take what I like and leave the rest. I truly think that having a God of my understanding kept me in the rooms--if there had been religion, I would have walked. And the idea that alcoholism is a disease helps me to understand and have compassion. My wife does not go to Al-Anon and I haven't been to the meetings that she attends (they are closed AA meetings). But we are okay with that.
Post a Comment