Sooooo behind

I've been almost entirely gone from home this past 10 days with work. Its been crazy...wasn't I just posting a few weeks ago that I didn't have enough work?! So I am behind on my blog reading and answering emails...so if you are someone I owe an email to, forgive me, know that you are loved and it was nothing personal.

Yesterday I went to a memorial service for my neighbor's son. He was 21, a wonderful young man with a strong faith, funny, a strong outdoors man, handsome,  had a heart for the marginalized and the brokenhearted, the people who were suffering....all over the world. He traveled to South America to serve those who were in need. This beautiful young man jumped off a dam in our area and killed himself. The mom and dad each shared at his service, all three of his sibling shared....now they are the heartbroken people.They have a strong faith and they are trusting in that right now as much as they can.....but I can only imagine that they are also feeling very lost. The mom said in her time of sharing, "its ok that I don't understand, or have the answers to how this happened. God knows and for now that can be what I trust in. He see's the bigger picture."

The thing I regret is that I never got close to these neighbors. We had so much in common, both had 4 kids, believed strongly and was involved in various forms of alternative education, both were families of a faith.....but due to my own struggles and what was going on in my own house, I didn't want to get too close. I was sure they had heard the yelling from our house, the swearing in the driveway, saw the sheriff cars or fire truck coming down our driveway at all hours of the day and night, God only knows what they had seen or heard through the years....I was ashamed. And I looked at them and thought they were perfect. Their yard was always neat and trimmed, their garage perfectly organized, all the kids would be out working with the parents to keep things up, they had bible studies at their house, the kids went to youth group....I couldn't live up to all of that. And to be honest, when we did wave as we drove by them while they were out walking, they never waved back, they wouldn't look up usually, and we all thought they weren't very friendly. We thought they probably knew all of our dirt and didn't want to associate with us. I know....because its all about me and I know that I was probably all they were thinking about, right?!

And now I feel like really, we all were hiding in our houses, with our hurts, our worries as mom's, our shame for being less than perfect, for having problems that were out of our control, and I think if we had only given each other a minute, we could have been friends, I would have told her our stuff and she would have known she wasn't alone.

It just makes me so sad and I am trying to figure out a way to reach out to her.

In other news....Molly is so dang happy with everything in her life right now. We were recently talking about how the detour to So. Cal. was just that, a detour. Her trying our her independence but it wasn't part of the plan that was meant for her. She came home and put her original plan back together and everything fell into place. She has classes that she loves, teachers that she really enjoys, has made a bunch of new friends, track is going wonderfully, the coaches have become friends and advocates and guides to her future, she has her little nanny job that she LOVES. Recently I commented that it seems like she is back to doing what she was really meant to do. She said, "Yes! and it feels GREAT!" I feel so happy for her!!!! It feels so good to have a kid who is doing great all on their own!

Lu has lost her interest in French for now and Jake is driving us all crazy. We have these french doors that we close to heat up the main part of the house and numerous times a day he stands at them on his back legs and pushes down the handle and then barges through them. Over and over again. He wants to be with a human constantly and is constantly standing right in our path. While I open the oven to get dinner out, he is right there, while I wash dishes, he is right there so I can't get the dishwasher open without making him move.....which is no small task. But he does have the sweetest face and if there is no room on the couch for him with all of us, he will sit next to us on the floor with his head resting on one of our laps. The other day big brother came over with a beanie on, to take Lu to school for me, and Jake stood over Lu who was asleep on the couch, and guarded her. He growled, showed his teeth and wouldn't let big bro in until he took off his beanie and showed him who he was. That won Jake some staying power with D and big bro.

Good Lord... I'm tired.

Some of you have shared beautiful photographs of your precious kids with me. I have those in my God box and I am praying for them everyday. I feel honored that you trusted me with them. Our precious kids, lost in their own world, but so loved by each of us.

Bless everyone today, "real good" as my g-ma used to say.

Love to all....
Annette